9 Rules For Living Elegantly: A Gentleman’s Guide
Elegance is back and as sacred a commodity as ever, particularly in tailoring, but what other principles can we practically implement for true elegant living?
@christiansieber
Elegance is a word either misused or defined so crushingly narrow that it flattens the meaning in the most gauche way. Who among the emerging Instagram classes does not try and present him or herself as Mr Polished? Still, there’s been an unquestionable return and rightful revival of elegance in many walks of life, particularly in men’s clothing, but beyond the cloth - what is elegance?
Is it taste? Lack of embarrassing moments? You bet. George Bryan 'Beau' Brummel - the original dandy - did us all a favour in handing down to us those immortal words,
“To be truly elegant one should not be noticed”
Etched into the scrolls of social media (in megabytes presumably), we have a good idea of how not to be noticed; keeping ourselves dignified with or without the glass, no shouting, and quiet immaculate clothing. I contend it is a little more than that, and drawing upon my own life experiences as much as I observe the experience of my role models, hopefully, these nine rules will give you some practical context so that you live a genuinely more elegant life.
1. Simplicity is king
Never complicate things beyond necessity. The concept of elegance in its most basic form boils down to simplicity. This principle should guide all of your actions and lifestyle choices. Never complicate situations beyond necessity, not over-complicating your words, your style, and your business goals - life is complex enough without your help.
When it comes to elegance - simplicity is the name of the game, which leads me to the second rule nicely...
2. Quality over quantity
Would you rather have two 50/50 friends or one great friend? Would you rather have two good holidays or one sensational holiday? Would you rather have two not-bad pairs of shoes or one incredible pair of shoes?
You get my point. Quality simplifies everything. Whether it's who to be friends with, which holiday to spend your money on, what shoes to buy, how to allocate your time, what type of audience you have on your social media, whatever it is - the highest quality always wins and matters more to humans.
At whatever age you are and you reflect back on your life, you remember the great times, the best of times, you don't dwell on how many times you did something - you only dwell on what great things you did.
“Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skilful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives.”
3. Be your own man
Nobody likes a people-pleaser. Being your own man is crucial for long-term respect and integrity, you can't possibly command the respect of others if you sacrifice your principles or opinions to please someone else. You have to think for yourself, be a critical thinker who genuinely believes in his own positions independent of fashions or conformism.
That's not to say you can't be diplomatic or open-minded, but never disingenuous or fake. You are who you are, you can't be somebody else.
Self-improvement, yes, but it's not elegant if you try and be somebody you're fundamentally not.
4. Have a timeless capsule wardrobe
Fashion is temporary, style is eternal, so the adage goes. You should overhaul your wardrobe completely and throw out all of the mass-produced, unsustainable, uncomfortable fast-fashion items. Those items are built to sell, not built to last.
Elegant men have a timeless selection of clothes that will outlive any trend. It means having a navy suit and blazer, a mix of plain shirts for all seasons, some fine knitwear, flannel and linen trousers, and 2-3 black and brown shoes.
More on that in The Modern Gentleman’s Handbook of Style.
5. Always be on time.
‘Fashionably late’ is a myth for people who think they're more important than they are. Deliberately turning up late in order to be noticed is the opposite of elegance. If you're a guest, you owe your respects to the host. Even if it's not deliberate, by the age of 25 (certainly by 30) - you should have your life in order enough that you can be on time and punctual for any occasion.
Etiquette Fact: if invited to a dinner party in United Kingdom at 19:30pm, the correct time to arrive is 19:40pm. This is is the only time when apparent lateness is correct.
6. Act in private as you would in public
Elegance is not elegance if you only do it for show. Being a good person means being good when nobody is watching. I know none of us is perfect, but if you like to dress well for others when you go out, then dress well at home. Hold yourself to a certain standard - as authentic people should. Anyone with two personalities or two ways of conducting themselves gets found out in the end - at that point, your respect and self-respect are severely diminished.
The deontological - perhaps greatest philosopher ever - Immanuel Kant regarded this principle and principles generally as fundamentally and inherently universal. Such practical reason must be universal if it is to make any sense. Act in private as you would in public is much akin to the Categorical Imperative, ‘act only in accordance with that maxim through which you can at the same time will that it become a universal law’ (Critique of Pure Reason).
7. Have kind intentions in everything you do
It's much easier to come across as sincere, kind, and authentic if that's your intention from the start.
Often, we go into a social interaction or business meeting/networking and think 'What can I get from this personally?' and this taints your whole attitude and people can feel and sense this in every word.
If you genuinely intend to be kind, then you will be, whatever you say or do.
8. Avoid drama at all costs.
Elegant people never get embroiled in drama. Family drama, office politics, best-friend dilemmas. Your job is to rise above that otherwise your persona and mindset get weighed down by all this negativity, and elegant people are always positive people.
This leads me appropriately to the final and maybe the most important rule...
9. Don't take yourself too seriously.
The ability to laugh at yourself and see the joke might be the best piece of advice I have to offer. Money and status can give you freedom to an extent, but being free of all the drama, bitchiness, and ridicule is a kind of freedom you can't buy. Life can be serious enough, so having fun and making yourself smile as well as others is the least you can do to achieve some sort of balance.
When I observe really elegant people who inspire me, famous or otherwise, they always come across as fun people who just want to live a simple life as well as invest in themselves. I think that's what all of these rules come down to in the end.
